how to cope with the possibility of sociopathic tendencies

[dtgnoome]

I became aware of the fact that I have sociopathic tendencies,depression, and a number of other psychological issues in my early teens. For approx. 15 yrs. now that knowledge had been pushed to the back of my thoughts. Hoping that the ones who made these allegations were incorrect. In recent yrs. however the tells have become too apparent to dismiss. I'm the father of 4 girls, and have been locked in a cycle of self-sabatoge. constantly rebuilding and watching it all crumble away. I'm not a fan of medications but realize that due to my recent research it may simply be the only way I can correct the situation and function within society so that I can meet the goals I desire for myself and the ones I do care about or at least protect them from the negetive effects of my issues. By accepting the reality of my situation I'm hoping to improve it. With the only flaw in my plan being that in doing so I'm leary to accept the help of people around me or that I'm close to and that is truly unacceptable to me. doing an internet search has lead me here numerous times. with the myriad of sites out there on the subjects pertaining to my condition many place a grim view on people like me. I know that in some ways they are justified, but they remain very dishearting for those who become aware and seek to correct it. If your wondering why I haven't sought out local professional help it is mostly because I know that because of my intelligence I can easily manipulate people (therapist or otherwise) and feel that removing the physical closeness of such interaction may help break through the B.S. I run on people. It's hateful to watch yourself cower behind your own intellect when your intellect is trying to both protect you and get you help. All you end up doing is looking back to early learnd shields to diflect and distract from the real issues and leave with the smugness that you just outsmarted yet another "professional" which emboldens my problems against me. I just want help, stop the cycle, and be who I desire to be. I have a clear vision of the goal but lack motivation and direction. Well any constructive suggestions for me would be greatly appreciated.As well as any reputable links about seeking help without insurance, finances and only the most minimal support
(self-inflicted to protect loved ones)

[KBeth]

Bravo to you for even being willing to admit your issues and seek help. I find it interesting you mention you can outsmart your therapists and tell them what you know they want to hear. (My husband felt the exact same way when we'd tried therapy together several years ago). Perhaps you'll have to be willing to let your guard down more in order to ever truly be helped by a professional...and maybe you need a smarter therapist;) Why not tell your therapist exactly what you have said here?
Good luck to you and your family.