Berberitta
08-07-2004, 06:43 AM
Dear sirs,
I'm Berberitta and I'm 23 years old. I don't know if this is the right place to post my problem , but I feel it is.
I am facing many emotional problems lately and I have no one to talk to. This is one of my big problems. I'm the kind of person who always keeps things to herself even if the pain inside me was unbearable I still don't talk about it to anyone. This is one reason why I started to see a counselor in my university. For a while things became better, but everything became worse as we started talking about my family and I drew the image for her that I have a wonderful life and all my family's understanding. The truth is they are wonderful every one of my family is wonderful, but they aren't understanding at all.
We are five kids in the family. My mom and Dad are amazing parents they never abused us neither physically nor emotionally and they taught us that we could talk to them about anything anything in the world. The only problem with my parents is that they both are perfectionists. They always fight about issues concerning perfectionism and even after they fight each one of them is sure that it's the other person's fault and that all they did is right. As I said before they never fought with us and even when they fight they always do it when we aren't around. But still I always woke up on their voices arguing.
This is part of the problem though. Three years ago I went to study in a university abroad and I learned that our family and especially my parents are very amazing compared to many other families and many of my friends envy me for having such parents. But what they don't know is that they both are killing themselves when they reach to this old age and still fight all the time. My dad got a heart attack last summer and my mom got Diabetes and she even had something which looked like a tumor in the upper side of the brain which later was diagnosed as an enlargement in one of the glands in the brain which was caused by stress.
Now my sister who's 18 and I who's 23 are facing many difficulties in making them understand that we are old enough to take our own decisions. My parents want us to do things their way and to dress up according to their own taste, to say what they want us to say, to be thin like models, to eat what they tell us to eat, and to live our lives the way they want us to live it. So basically they want us to be perfect like they think they are. If we don't do things perfectly then we aren't good enough. The problem is that I tried to explain to my mom and dad that nothing is perfect in life and I tried to make a meeting where we tell each other what we feel, I tried to point to them the things in them which gets me angry and which I feel are causing me stress all the time politely of coarse, but each time we get into an argument, they get angry with me, their health becomes worse, and they tell my aunts and uncles how we are so unfair to them, so I end up apologizing to them to solve the problem and admitting that it's my fault. They are completely convinced that they are perfect and this is causing us so many problems.
Ever since three months, I've been undergoing two operations and I had a relationship-related problems which is still unsolved and I am working so I have problems related to work so basically I'm under severe depression that I thought of suicide a couple of times. My parents are two busy to notice my problems or my sister's problems as she is a teenager now, they fight with us all the time and basically what's worse they believe that we are the worst daughters on this earth just because they don't understand our needs.
For the past five years I've been having nervous breakdowns every now and then and they know it. But whenever a problem arises everyone stands against us and we keep feeling ourselves alone. Last night I had a severe nervous breakdown because of all the things I've been through for the past three months and especially that we attended a wedding and I just realized that I'm in love with someone who doesn't even notice me but instead of having someone to talk to about my feelings even my sister was feeling down and said so many hurtful things to me when I tried to tell her about the things bothering me so I broke down in tears in front of all my aunts and of coarse all they thought about is that I made a big deal out of a small problem with my sister but what they didn't know is that I couldn't control myself for a year now I've been bottling up and suddenly I couldn't bottle up anymore. This isn't enough though I came back home after the wedding and my mom was commenting on my weight and the way I look as if my problems aren't enough so we got into an argument and she left the room and I'm sure she was crying all night. I'm also sure that sher health became worse and she probably got a migraine.
After the fight, for the Third time I broke down in tears in front of my young brother who's only 10 years old. I really felt bad for him coz he stood there not knowing what to do and all he did was give me hugs and wipe my tears.
I couldn't sleep all night and even now at work I can't work or think of anything. I don't want to be the reason for killing my parents because I won't be able to live without them but at the same time I can't bottle up anymore 23 years are enough to bottle up and my emotional state is worse than it ever was. My sister also has similar problems and isn't ready to listen to my problems.
I don't know what to do. If something ever happens to me I know it will make me finally rest in peace but it would also probably kill my parents who are so overprotective. My friends don't understand me coz I never tell them the problems with my parents for I don't want to destroy the beautiful image that I have drawn about them. Please help me I feel like there is no place for me in this life and every night all I pray for is my own death.
I don't want to kill my parents but at the same time they don't understand us at all and every member of our relatives keep taking sides with my parents whenever we try to cry on their shoulders.
Is the fault in us? Are we Aliens or are we devils? I don't know but definitely to my parents we are the worst thing that ever happened to them. I'm sick and tired of all this and I can't bottle up anymore. Please help me please.
I'm Berberitta and I'm 23 years old. I don't know if this is the right place to post my problem , but I feel it is.
I am facing many emotional problems lately and I have no one to talk to. This is one of my big problems. I'm the kind of person who always keeps things to herself even if the pain inside me was unbearable I still don't talk about it to anyone. This is one reason why I started to see a counselor in my university. For a while things became better, but everything became worse as we started talking about my family and I drew the image for her that I have a wonderful life and all my family's understanding. The truth is they are wonderful every one of my family is wonderful, but they aren't understanding at all.
We are five kids in the family. My mom and Dad are amazing parents they never abused us neither physically nor emotionally and they taught us that we could talk to them about anything anything in the world. The only problem with my parents is that they both are perfectionists. They always fight about issues concerning perfectionism and even after they fight each one of them is sure that it's the other person's fault and that all they did is right. As I said before they never fought with us and even when they fight they always do it when we aren't around. But still I always woke up on their voices arguing.
This is part of the problem though. Three years ago I went to study in a university abroad and I learned that our family and especially my parents are very amazing compared to many other families and many of my friends envy me for having such parents. But what they don't know is that they both are killing themselves when they reach to this old age and still fight all the time. My dad got a heart attack last summer and my mom got Diabetes and she even had something which looked like a tumor in the upper side of the brain which later was diagnosed as an enlargement in one of the glands in the brain which was caused by stress.
Now my sister who's 18 and I who's 23 are facing many difficulties in making them understand that we are old enough to take our own decisions. My parents want us to do things their way and to dress up according to their own taste, to say what they want us to say, to be thin like models, to eat what they tell us to eat, and to live our lives the way they want us to live it. So basically they want us to be perfect like they think they are. If we don't do things perfectly then we aren't good enough. The problem is that I tried to explain to my mom and dad that nothing is perfect in life and I tried to make a meeting where we tell each other what we feel, I tried to point to them the things in them which gets me angry and which I feel are causing me stress all the time politely of coarse, but each time we get into an argument, they get angry with me, their health becomes worse, and they tell my aunts and uncles how we are so unfair to them, so I end up apologizing to them to solve the problem and admitting that it's my fault. They are completely convinced that they are perfect and this is causing us so many problems.
Ever since three months, I've been undergoing two operations and I had a relationship-related problems which is still unsolved and I am working so I have problems related to work so basically I'm under severe depression that I thought of suicide a couple of times. My parents are two busy to notice my problems or my sister's problems as she is a teenager now, they fight with us all the time and basically what's worse they believe that we are the worst daughters on this earth just because they don't understand our needs.
For the past five years I've been having nervous breakdowns every now and then and they know it. But whenever a problem arises everyone stands against us and we keep feeling ourselves alone. Last night I had a severe nervous breakdown because of all the things I've been through for the past three months and especially that we attended a wedding and I just realized that I'm in love with someone who doesn't even notice me but instead of having someone to talk to about my feelings even my sister was feeling down and said so many hurtful things to me when I tried to tell her about the things bothering me so I broke down in tears in front of all my aunts and of coarse all they thought about is that I made a big deal out of a small problem with my sister but what they didn't know is that I couldn't control myself for a year now I've been bottling up and suddenly I couldn't bottle up anymore. This isn't enough though I came back home after the wedding and my mom was commenting on my weight and the way I look as if my problems aren't enough so we got into an argument and she left the room and I'm sure she was crying all night. I'm also sure that sher health became worse and she probably got a migraine.
After the fight, for the Third time I broke down in tears in front of my young brother who's only 10 years old. I really felt bad for him coz he stood there not knowing what to do and all he did was give me hugs and wipe my tears.
I couldn't sleep all night and even now at work I can't work or think of anything. I don't want to be the reason for killing my parents because I won't be able to live without them but at the same time I can't bottle up anymore 23 years are enough to bottle up and my emotional state is worse than it ever was. My sister also has similar problems and isn't ready to listen to my problems.
I don't know what to do. If something ever happens to me I know it will make me finally rest in peace but it would also probably kill my parents who are so overprotective. My friends don't understand me coz I never tell them the problems with my parents for I don't want to destroy the beautiful image that I have drawn about them. Please help me I feel like there is no place for me in this life and every night all I pray for is my own death.
I don't want to kill my parents but at the same time they don't understand us at all and every member of our relatives keep taking sides with my parents whenever we try to cry on their shoulders.
Is the fault in us? Are we Aliens or are we devils? I don't know but definitely to my parents we are the worst thing that ever happened to them. I'm sick and tired of all this and I can't bottle up anymore. Please help me please.