Sexually confused and quite depressed.

[chicama]

Hi, I'm in need of some help. I'm a 19 year old male with who's just down about life at the moment.

Basically, and I know this may sound harsh and I certainly mean no disrespect, but one of my biggest fears is turning out to be gay. Well, I know for sure I'm not gay, but I can't rule out bisexual just yet.

During my early teens, where my hormones were raging, I more or less got excited at anything sexual. During this phase though, while vaginas got me erect, I wasn't really interested in them. I think this is due to me not knowing what exactly they were. You see, I fainted in my first lesson of Sex Education, and was scared of it taking the lesson ever since. Actually, I'm fine when I'm by myself, but when they lump you together with other kids, I get quite anxious and nervous.

Anyway, at around age 15, I began to question my sexuality. This was brought on by me finding men handsome, and I didn't realise it was normal to have these thoughts. I put that worry to rest as I was getting erections over women, but not over men. Heck, men even turned my erections "off". During this phase though, whenever I thought of a man sexually, I got a urge to pee. I thought this was nothing, so just carried on with my life.

Lately though, during masturbation over women, an image of a man will appear for a split second, sexual or non sexual, and make me climax. I was getting worried if this was indicating I was bisexual, so I did some experiments. One of them was trying to masturbate over men. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get erect, but was getting that peeing feeling. I tried to masturbate over men with an erection (which I get over fantasizing over women), but I didn't feel anything, not even the peeing sensation and it wasn't long until my erection died.

I figured the split second image causing me to climax maybe due to anxiety, as I just couldn't ejaculate or get erect while thinking about men.

I was worried though, as when I feel the urge to urinate, I always do, and its more often than not, clear coloured. I read somewhere that clear coloured pee can have sperm in it, and was panicking that even though I couldn't get erect or ejaculate, sperm was "manifesting" itself inside my penis when I thought about men. I was originally under the impression that it was my anxiety and "uncomfortableness" that was causing the urge to urinate, but now, I'm not so sure.

For the record, I've always liked girls, like the vagina now, and never imagined my self with a man. This is also embarassing, but I've never even actually kissed a girl, let alone had intercourse with one. I've talked to my parents about it, and they think I'm as red-blooded as any other male, but with the climaxing over men and the peeing sensation issues, I'm just really depressed. Its near Christmas now, and I just want to enjoy it.

Help would be greatly appreciated!

[Dr. Adams]

First, you cannot do a microscopic examination of urine by looking at it. Urine varies in color, and unless it is red/orange/brown, the color is likely irrelevant. So set that concern aside.

I am going to assume that there are no professionals in your community with whom to discuss your anxiety since I do not feel you will alter your thinking via an online forum.

However, finding other males attractive is not only normal, but expected. Indeed, men who appreciate the appeal of other men, are often referred to as haivng a "man crush." This does not mean you want a relationship with the man, merely that you feel that he is attractive. Many/most women look admiringly at other women.

A bisexual thought pattern is also not unusual and quite a few people will explore same sex partners before settling into a heterosexual relationship.

It appears that you fear homosexuality more than you have a homosexual drive.

I had a quite heterosexual patient who would fantasize that she was with another woman while having sex with her husband. She realized over time that the other woman was, in fact, herself. She was playing observed and participant in the sexual act.

You might want to accept that sexuality is a complex system and that you are merely becoming more aware of how varied it is in your own mind.

[chicama]

Thanks for the reply, it helped indeed.

Basically my main concerns where the urge to pee and the split second image of a man causing me to climax early.

I know just because your pee is white, doesn't guarantee that sperm is present. My main question was that is it possible for sperm to present in pee, when you haven't had an erection or ejaculated in some time? Also, would you put it down to nerves that I keep getting this urge to urinate?

The big concern was the climaxing over men. Due to not being sexually aroused by them, I'm just confused as to why the image causes me to ejaculate early when I'm masturbating. Its even more confusing as when I take the time to get the image into perspective and realise it is indeed a man, I'll try to masturbate to the same image, but get no feeling and go flaccid.

I mean, I guess the main question is that are these issues normal with heterosexual men?

Thanks!

[Dr. Adams]

Again, you are obsessing over what you feel are symptoms rather than a normal emotional response and normal physical response. You are looking for evidence of a sexual preference that you find distasteful.