HELP! I feel very unattractive

[Ronald]

REALLY NEED HELP SO BADLY! I think I have BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder) about body image and seem to have almost all symptoms. When I was at a restaurant (Larry's Pizza in particular) I look at girls and sometimes smile at them.

They seem not to like it and seem to have a really negative frown. But when these two cool-type boys who actually sat by the table I'm next to, seem to be good-looking, the boys start hitting on the same girls and they smile looking at them and such. I feel so bad about this and feel less physical attractive.

I know it isn't polite to stare and sometimes I can't help it. I know some people will say it's because they're nervous I mean, they smiled at those other boys.And I feel even more unattractive because of it. I never felt like I'd wanna kill myself like I do now.

Some people say I'm handsome and have pretty eyes and such. But it's the kind of people I wouldn't find physically attractive and I CAN'T overcome it.

Some people with BDD and feel concern about the way they look, like in interviews, documentaries and such, happen not to be good-looking and I'm afraid I'm one of those who's actually is not good-looking to pretty girls, girl I find attractive, atleast.

I mean if any really handsome men have BDD, I don't hear about them. Maybe because they know they're good-looking and feel it and know it, you agree?

[Dr. Adams]

(Please post questions once and in one forum)

You do not describe Body Dysmorphic Disorder but rather you simply seem to have decreased feelings of self worth with a focus upon what you perceive to be general lack of physical appeal. You spend a great deal of time talking to yourself about how unappealing you must be (because of the way women respond) and how appealing others are (again because of the way women respond). There is no question that our society is large and chiefly superficial. Appearance is the first thing observed since it is so readily accessible. However, there are far too many plain, average and even unattractive people who find extremely attractive mates that we can be certain that there is not a one-on-one correspondence between how we see ourselves and who is attracted to us. In either case, this seems to be a burden to you and one for which you may wish to see a psychologist in your geographical area.

[Ronald]

I feel happy when I think I'm pretty good-looking, and very unhappy when I think I'm not.

I do feel good-looking, sometimes like when I look close in a mirror or something or depending what kind of light position I'm in. I feel very unattractive in my pictures and videos, but not necessarily as hideous in real life. I don't feel like I'm ugly, don't know why, I just feel like I'm not that good-looking.

Are people generally more good-looking than they think they are?

Just curious about it!

I notice some chunky pretty faced girls (and I like chunky girls) or even very rarely, gorgeous girls looking at me and seem to find me attractive. Does this mean anything? Sometimes I will notice some girls walking down the street when I'm sitting on a bench or something and wait to look when they're about to walk by me and do notice them looking at me at that point, sometimes. But not always a smile from them. Does this mean anything, atleast?

So is it a possibility that I'm actual good-looking when I think I am? Or just think that sometimes and actually not good-looking?

Hope you can understand all this, Good Luck!

[Dr. Adams]

A case could be made that no one looks pretty when they are concerned about how pretty they look. The best looking individuals are those who have resolved the issues of their outer beauty and are developing great interpersonal skills. This is why models can marry homely rock musicians. The musicians are not focused upon how handsome they are...they accept that they are not, but they have charisma. There is nothing charismatic about being preoccupied with one's appearance.